Some things I’ve recently learned about Love January 17, 2010
Our time together began last year on MLK day with a sweet sweet first date. We walked along the ocean. It has been a year of growing a whole new appreciation for what it means to love another person and gaining insight into the fullness of what it means to love unconditionally. It has been a year of growing whole new skill sets and tools and approaches for matching the intention to love without condition, need and demand. It is a really recent turn in my existence to set an intention to love unconditionally and to learn what that looks like. Agape is such a great place to practice the craft of unconditional love with all kinds of people through all kinds of crunchy relations. To take that show on the road is a whole other trip and a steep learning curve –where most people have not chosen to be Love as a way of life, on the freeway and in line at the bank and at your place of employment is where the practice shows up. And maybe, the learning curve is steepest in an intimate relationship, because being in an intimate relationship with someone brings up all of my stuff, triggers/ buttons/wounds and unexamined expectations, and that’s when it gets interesting. I get to see myself anew, and reevaluate who and what I want to be. Being in relationship is like traveling to new lands:
I love to travel, esp to places that completely put me out of my element and challenge me at all levels. What I love is that all of my stuff is up for evaluation, every bit of what i take for granted is shaken, i get to see with new eyes, hear with new ears, appreciate new ways of being human and I get to shake off some old unnecessary dust. it is a thrilling journey that has me awake alert and on fire during the trip, and changed in deep and welcome ways after i return, never to be the same again. I'm reminded of this feeling as i travel in your country...
What does it mean to love without condition? This has been such a revelation to realize how many conditions I have had on love. Too hot, too cold, too present, too distant, too busy, too free, too domestic, too international, too close, too far away – all revolving around me and my needs, but not really in the business of cultivating Love, if love means to have no conditions.
At this moment, love without conditions means having a relationship that doesn’t depend on a script that unfolds according to any previous relationship. There are no necessary outcomes. The next step doesn’t loom ahead as something that has to happen to make this real or meaningful or worthwhile. There aren’t any scripts to follow about gender and sexuality, about being a couple, about relationships, about what’s happened before or what ought to happen now. I’m receptive and available, open to what transpires between us, open to inventing new ways of doing things the whole time. And, since we are both committed to our own evolution and continuous transformation, things are continuously dynamic and moving and surprising and awesome. There’s always more to learn about the way needs show up and interfere with love, more discoveries about egoic antics and about the human parts of me that interfere with genuine connection - with another person, with people at large, and with the planet.
Loving unconditionally also means seeing that the beloved is whole, perfect and complete, and knowing that this is true for me too. That’s where need disappears and love can happen, exactly when I am clear that I have everything that I need. I am already whole, you are already whole. Like I wrote last year:
Being with you gives me the chance to love freely openly and as wide and as deep as I can reach and that spills into and onto each and every encounter and the air and climate around me. The first flush of love is dismissed as not real and true, or hormone-driven and delusional, but I think it is the truth of the matter. The first flush erodes all the barriers and walls around full expression of a loving heart and the desire to merge with the universal that is embodied by the beloved. And, if we don't dismiss that as a bunch of hooey then it doesn't disappear after first flush but continues to resound as the tone and intention of the relationship. Like Marianne Williamson says, the beloved is perfect, we are seeing the truth when we first fall in love, but the mistake we make that results in disappointment is when we expect human perfection and confuse that with spiritual perfection. I know I'm seeing God when I see you; that is one thing I know for sure. I know I'm merging with the Divine when I kiss you. That's another thing I know for sure. I love that all this and more is possible with you, and I’m so so grateful.
Everyday is new, because everyday is an adventure in love, an experiment in unprecedented aspirations and a step into a new paradigm of love and relationship.I wrote this a year ago; it is truer today:
Life on the planet has become more delightful joyful and charming with each day that passes with you in it, more than I'd ever imagined hoped or let myself want. I don't have all the words to express what's in my heart but know that it is true, deep and abiding lovelovelove and nothing but love. You fill me way up and sink deep under my skin and each step and breath I take is colored with the hue tone and sparkle of you, a dear and precious treasure, a divine and perfect playmate, a deep and soulful companion, a genuine and honest light. Blessings abound! Life sings! I'm in deeper than even a few days ago and full of anticipation for more and more and more of you you you. omg. You are incredible.
I really take to heart what Rev M says about creating heaven on earth by being the Love, by living in the vision of what the future of the world could be, by growing in consciousness and continuing to evolve into our next best selves. How grateful I am to be able to grow in consciousness with my beloved and to be guided to love in deeper ways, as it happens between us, and as it radiates out into all of our relations. How grateful I am to be part of a community of Love, to be connected to all of you.
Wonderful, all over again!
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